Changed.

With every trip that I take, I return home changed. I’m always changed for the better after what I’ve seen, experienced, and who I’ve met. The change has always been a positive one.

That is no different after traveling to Thailand, Vietnam, and Laos. I am grateful for my experiences there. But, with this trip, I seem to be affected in an entirely new way. I feel out of place at home, and I can’t explain or describe what I saw or experienced that changed me.

What this trip has done to me is made me completely unsure of my place here on this earth. I am longer certain of my purpose. I have never felt more confused. This feeling is one that I felt when I returned home in July, but I thought it would leave when I was preoccupied with work. But, I was wrong, the feeling still lingers.

I love teaching, don’t get me wrong, but I wish these children could see what I’ve seen. Not just the children I am teaching, but all children and even many adults. Their worlds are so small that I wish I could show them just how lucky they are. But, I feel like there’s no real way for me to do justice to the world I learned about with pictures and stories. No, they have to go there and experience what I saw in order for them to truly understand. To be fully immersed in a new culture and world on their own. I know that I can make some difference at least by sharing the world I learned about, but I wish that there was more I could do.

I’m just kind of at a loss at this moment, and I am hoping that eventually I can make an understanding of these feelings. It’s just frustrating to be blessed with such an amazing experience and to feel this confused with arriving home.

Overlooking Chang Mai and Chang Rai, Thailand. July 2011.

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2 thoughts on “Changed.

  1. Is it they are so lucky in America?
    Americans have stuff, items.
    Face to face friendships have been replaced by facebook and twitter.
    Americans buy into the propaganda that the world is out to get them, that they should live in fear as they round the next corner.
    Americans grill their BBQ’s, but do not know their next door neighbors name.
    Does the accumulation of “stuff” make American’s have a special life?
    Or have they lost the relationships that you saw in the Asian countries, like I see in Central America – neighbors helping neighbors survive.
    Leaving all family members, risking death to work in America and send most of the money home so relatives will have a better life.
    Which ones seem to get the most joy out of life?
    Which cultures seem to have the least “mental” illnesses?
    What you see is an America that has lost it’s soul.
    My 2 cents worth.
    Good article.
    Cheers,
    John D. WIlson

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