With every trip that I take, I return home changed. I’m always changed for the better after what I’ve seen, experienced, and who I’ve met. The change has always been a positive one.
That is no different after traveling to Thailand, Vietnam, and Laos. I am grateful for my experiences there. But, with this trip, I seem to be affected in an entirely new way. I feel out of place at home, and I can’t explain or describe what I saw or experienced that changed me.
What this trip has done to me is made me completely unsure of my place here on this earth. I am longer certain of my purpose. I have never felt more confused. This feeling is one that I felt when I returned home in July, but I thought it would leave when I was preoccupied with work. But, I was wrong, the feeling still lingers.
I love teaching, don’t get me wrong, but I wish these children could see what I’ve seen. Not just the children I am teaching, but all children and even many adults. Their worlds are so small that I wish I could show them just how lucky they are. But, I feel like there’s no real way for me to do justice to the world I learned about with pictures and stories. No, they have to go there and experience what I saw in order for them to truly understand. To be fully immersed in a new culture and world on their own. I know that I can make some difference at least by sharing the world I learned about, but I wish that there was more I could do.
I’m just kind of at a loss at this moment, and I am hoping that eventually I can make an understanding of these feelings. It’s just frustrating to be blessed with such an amazing experience and to feel this confused with arriving home.